As I sit here sick with bronchitis, with a hurting chest and struggling to breathe, I wonder how mom felt as her lungs were under constant attack.
Each day I try to take as a new day, with a new attitude/outlook, and try to make it positive.
I miss talking to her, and seeing her smile.  I just watched a video she made for us before she passed - of her dancing - and it was so cute to see her dancing.  That was her favorite thing to do, she absolutely LOVED to dance, anywhere, anytime, with anyone watching.
Short post - not sure what else to say, and need to take a break to get through my hacking coughs...bye for now.

4 months have gone by

It's been 4 months since my mom died from extensive small cell lung cancer that had invaded her liver, lymph nodes, spine, brain and pretty much everywhere it could in her little body.  Her spirit never stopped fighting though her body gave out.  Every day I think of her and cry missing her, hearing her voice and her laugh in my mind.  I'm scared to lose hearing that so clearly, though I know time will dull it.  She had such a joy for life - she was fun and crazy and loving all at the same time.  She loved wearing bright colors, purple being her favorite, and she was tiny so she could wear anything.  She would always forget to take the price tags off gifts - and still wrote "from Santa" even when my sisters and I were in our 20s.  She was only 57 when she passed - way too short of a life and only 20 years older than me.  She passed October 4, 2012 - 22 days before I turned 37.  She loved to travel, loved owls, lighthouses, and her roses and gardens.  She loved Winnie the Pooh and was talented drawing with charcoals.  I miss her more each day, as the grief I've denied starts to push back against me.  I know I can get through this, but I will never be the same.  Things aren't quite as bright and sunny anymore.  How do you process grief and a close loved one dying?  Somehow I get up each day, and get myself and my girls ready to face the day, then get through work and home, but I don"t feel as much of the sparkle of life.  I'm trying to, for my husband and my beautiful daughters' sake - I don't want them to see mommy sad or not playing with them.  I want to take as much joy in them growing as I can, as I know it goes by way too fast.